I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
