I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
porn star boner night. come get it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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