so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
