I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
