You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
