got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
