Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I take back everything I said about communal showers
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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