you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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