He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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