So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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