god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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