Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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