theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I need to sanitize my soul.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
