I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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