see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
