that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
