It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize