a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
