I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
