Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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