i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
