summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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