my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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