the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
