where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
