My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
