We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize