imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
