So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize