I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
