did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
