My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
