I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Less talking, more tequila
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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