That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
