My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
His hands were made for my vagina.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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