im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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