He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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