he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Let the clothes fall where they may.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
