My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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