Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
