woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize