He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
