I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
