maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I AM VODKA MAN
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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