i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
