Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
