can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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