Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
