my phone needs a breathalizer
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
