dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
