You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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