mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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