A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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