Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
