Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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