he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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