2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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