How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
