I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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