I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
