So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
