The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
