I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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