do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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