..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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