I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
