Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
