these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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