lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
