Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
