FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
