she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I didn't notice because vodka
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We are all done wearing pants today
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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