No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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