just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
