so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
