you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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