she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
